please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
