I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
