Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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