I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
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Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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