Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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