:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
