I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize