I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
