I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
