i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm like, not good at living.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
