Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
