If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
