Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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