woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
