Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
