is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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