hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
