I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
