Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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