so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
