is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
