And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
