My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
