If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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