yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My life is pants optional.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
