i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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