I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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