real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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