I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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