My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
