i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
