I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
