Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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