You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
