Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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