if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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