If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
