4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize