Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
