have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
