hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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