im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
