its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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