dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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