Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
