There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
