wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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