call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
