when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
