I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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