He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
