i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
