why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
