omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
