So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
