Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
