Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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