My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
