My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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