I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
