i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
