so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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