You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
