Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
