My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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