I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
