You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
